Walking alone in the middle of a dark and cold autumn night after work.
"What the fuck am I doing here?" I asked myself.
My life is fucked up in England. I've got no life now. My girlfriend who I loved deeply left me. All my effort, my love for her has come to nought. All of it has become worthless now. Not even worthy compared to the fallen leaves during the cold and dry autumn. All the while, I've loved a woman who has been pining the hope the man who she loves will return to her. All the while, my love for her has not been able to penetrates deep into her heart, all cause her heart has been filled up with the hope that has nothing to do with me. My hope for the future which surrounded around her, my readiness to sacrifice for her happiness and well-being, are all for the sake of nothing.
What used to be sweet memories that has etched to my heart are nothing but sharp needles attached firmly causing aches and pain, which I believe, no physical pain I've endured during this lifetime will be able to surpass it. Every heartbeat are just as painful as every day without her. However, life still has to go on. The matter she has left has become a reality which can't be reversed, which I hoped it can be.
I'm now all alone. No friends or anyone who is ready to sit down and listen to me. All I do every night is to convince myself to sleep. So that, tomorrow, when the sun rises again, I too rises. For the sake of my future. As much I hated this job, but I've become a tool to earn money, as what everybody does. Except they've done it with a solid objective. While I, with my dreams and hopes being quashed, still searching for my objectives, my life.
Everyday is the same repetition of life. Nothing changes. It's not as colourful as it used to be. I've become dull and my "colour" has faded so much I can't even recognises myself anymore.
"Is that me?" Surprised.
What needed to be done to find my real me?
Cheers
Andy OOi
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
It's all about my life, nothing much worth the attention. Just some rambling about what goes on in me...
3 comments:
Bro, it's not the end of the world. No doubt it's painful now. But TIME is the best doctor.
When u look back to this small chapter of your life. I'm sure you will be glad. Cos what we r 2day is bcos of yesterday. So your glory 2morow is bcos of the "sad" 2day.
Let yourself be sad, cry out if you need to, fully "release" your mood and feelings.
After that, MOVE on.
Cheers.... see you "infront".
All your friends will be next to you to support u all the way. :)
"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
~ Alexander Graham Bell
Thanx for the supportive words, guys.
As much as I've tried, tears' dried up and the pain has become a part of me.
Everyday, memories of her will just come out of nowhere to remind me of the pain I've to endure and there's nothing I can do.
I've drained too much energy to hide my urge to contact her, just to know if she's doing well. I've wasted too much time hiding myself from getting hurt again. And I've lost myself in looking for my new directions.
Where's my life?
Post a Comment