Snowing in November.

A year ago, I would be jumping with joy like a lil' boy whose his parents bought him something he wanted long long ago. But today, it's just so painful. Every drops of it are like sharp sword thrusted into my heart bringing out the memories of what happened 7 months ago when we first saw snow that thick in Acton.

A sudden drop of temperature this Autumn might means winter comes early it was snowing quite heavily this evening about 8pm something. It continues to snow until 9 plus leaving a thick trail of snow everywhere.

It was a beautiful sight, but to me, it's a sight which brought out painful memories. We had so much fun then when we first saw the snow which we're expecting since last year. We're so excited like lil' boys and girls and we even made a lil' snowman ourself and gave it a name. But now, it's just snow. Nothing more than that.

Couldn't resist taking some pictures while I'm on my way back from London, I've managed to get some shot:












Earlier today, I went to visit Vicky as we've been talking about meeting up but never did so. So, after a brief chat last night, we made up a date and we eventually met up today. I went over to their house mid day today in Hackney and to my surprise, there's a Bansky's work just opposite their flat. Lucky them.

I've been reading alot about this graffiti artist when I was in London and saw alot of his work through the newspaper and this is the first time I saw it with my own eyes. Lucky Nasri get to admire it everytime he's smoking outside. lol

From Vicky's flat

Closed Up

Cheers,
Andy "Shackks" Ooi

I've fucked my life.

Walking alone in the middle of a dark and cold autumn night after work.

"What the fuck am I doing here?" I asked myself.

My life is fucked up in England. I've got no life now. My girlfriend who I loved deeply left me. All my effort, my love for her has come to nought. All of it has become worthless now. Not even worthy compared to the fallen leaves during the cold and dry autumn. All the while, I've loved a woman who has been pining the hope the man who she loves will return to her. All the while, my love for her has not been able to penetrates deep into her heart, all cause her heart has been filled up with the hope that has nothing to do with me. My hope for the future which surrounded around her, my readiness to sacrifice for her happiness and well-being, are all for the sake of nothing.

What used to be sweet memories that has etched to my heart are nothing but sharp needles attached firmly causing aches and pain, which I believe, no physical pain I've endured during this lifetime will be able to surpass it. Every heartbeat are just as painful as every day without her. However, life still has to go on. The matter she has left has become a reality which can't be reversed, which I hoped it can be.

I'm now all alone. No friends or anyone who is ready to sit down and listen to me. All I do every night is to convince myself to sleep. So that, tomorrow, when the sun rises again, I too rises. For the sake of my future. As much I hated this job, but I've become a tool to earn money, as what everybody does. Except they've done it with a solid objective. While I, with my dreams and hopes being quashed, still searching for my objectives, my life.

Everyday is the same repetition of life. Nothing changes. It's not as colourful as it used to be. I've become dull and my "colour" has faded so much I can't even recognises myself anymore.

"Is that me?" Surprised.

What needed to be done to find my real me?

Cheers
Andy OOi

I pierced my ears!!

Yeap... That's what I did this afternoon after I cleaned the hostel. I was cleaning the hostel and suddenly, the idea of piercing my ears spring to my mind and I put everything down and changed my clothes. After that, I just went over to one of the shop and spent a £5 for 2 studs stuck on my ear lobs.

malas take photo of d other side la.

Now I'll have to live with this pair of gold studs for 6 weeks and gotta clean it twice daily. According to the lady, I must use hot water with some salt. However, I just use some antiseptic cream. Much much more convenient la. Hopefully, after 6 weeks, I'll be able to change to some nice nice earing liao. Or better still, enlarge the hole like some of them does it here.

See how lar. Depend on my mood. Perhaps, I'll just stick to the taditional earing, or maybe I'll be a lil' extraordinary and goes for the weird stuff.

Cheers
Andy Ooi

Foggy Morning in Harlow

For some reason, Friday morning was very foggy. The fog was still very visible when I started work at 12pm. I was surprise when I looked outside of the windows and visible wasn't very good for a sunny 9.15am.

From the corrider.

From my room.

Luckily, the fog was persistent enough so that I'm able to take this pictures after I bath.

Aniway, something happened this afternoon. A group of 14 celebrated a 13th year's old birthday at our restaurant. When they left, they left gradually, when everyone cleared the table, me, Chee Yong and Pei Yee went over and clear the tables of glasses, bowls, plates and other rubbish as usual.

After a while, one of them - a young lady - came over and ask if we saw a black box and some envelopes. We checked around but there's no such thing. Therefore, we continued with our cleaning. As I was just clearing the glasses and wares, I wasn't around that table anymore and only Chee Yong and Pei Yee was there. Out of curiousity, I went over and kaypoh.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Did you see a black box and some envelope?" Chee Yong replied.

"She says it contained money in the envelope." Continued Chee Yong.

"No leh." I answered.

That young lady looked anxiously but her items are still unrecoverable. After some querying, the young lady's grandfather then went over to Jack and had some conversation. Jack then came over to the station with the old man and dunno do wat. After a while, I went back to the station and the old man ask me if there's another bag being dumped already.

"No." I answered.

The young lady then said she wanted to see the CCTV recording and said she intends to lodge a police report.

"Well, go ahead lor" I thought.

I then referred them to Jack and after a while, I saw Jack calling somebody. Our lady boss then appeared and talked to them. As we were busy clearing the tables, I didn't really bothered about what was going on as our break is nearing.

I wonders what happened.

Cheers

Andy MH Ooi

My complaints

I was complained this afternoon for something I did not do. Worst of all, the act that I was alleged are so absurd that there's no way I will carried out during the job.

A pair of elderly indian couple actually complained me of digging my nose in the station and then serves them before washing my hands!!

This complaint is so absurd that I jumped at Jack who had received the complaint.

I've received 2 complaints so far and they are as follows:

1. I was being rude to the customer.
It was a very busy that night and the group of 5 or 7 of them requested me to take their orders for drinks. I checked their ticket and found that they're arranged to buy their own drinks at the bar and so I told them so. They told me they want to change to another table so that they can order their drinks and I told we do not work that way. And I walked off. Afterwards, I saw 2 ladies from the table talking to Pris.

2. Digging my nose in the station and not washing my hands.
This is the most absurd and funniest complaint I had so far. How would someone actually done that openly. Even I finds it disgusting and would leave the restaurant immediately. The nearest act I can recall is brushing my nose cause it was itchy, that's all.

Working in UK can be very demanding as customer can and will complain you for every lil' things you do. All they seeks is that lil' discounts off their meals thus will finds fault with anything they can. Yet, we're working our arse off for that lil' amount of coppers everyweek.

Cheers
Andy MH OOi

A scary dream came true...

It was funny to think that how a dream can can come true and woke your biggest fears and worries when it really happens.

Last nite after a good chat with mummy over the msn, I took two pills for my flu and went to sleep. Somehow, the pills wasn't that effective as it used to be the previous nite and I couldn't sleep so I ended up fiddling with the downloads which I'd let run overnite. After a while, I checked the clock and was surprised to realised the time is already 3.00am and quickly went to sleep forcing myself to sleep no matter what. Gotta work tomorrow, you see.

At some point of time, I was in a point of mid-conciousness and I dreamt of a teacher asking me for advice for her two pupils who had lost their passport. They're from abroad and needs to go back to their country after a cultural exchange activity between England and their home country. Thus, losing their passport will means they risk being misidentified as illegal immigrants which will be captured and imprisoned for a period of time before being sent back. The teacher was worried sick and do not how to do. I was nonchalant to their plight at first as I do not what is the best solution for them. After a while, I advice her to report the case to the police and then report to the their embassy or High Commision and see if there's anything the embassy can do about it. I'm sure they'll be able to reissue a passport or some temporary pass for them to leave the country and enters their home country.

After a while, i woke up. This dream lingers for quite a while in my head and I wonders what will I do if I happens to fall into this plight.

"Will there be anyone to help me?"

"What will happen if I failed to produce my passport if I was asked to on the streets?"

"Will the authority believes me and assist me in recovering my passport or even helps me to get a new one?"

Then, something springs up in my mind.

"Where is my passport?"

I remember bringing it out for dinner last nite as I'm unsure where I'm going next so I thought I'll bring it with me just in case. I remembered slotting it in my back pocket of my jeans before putting on my jacket. Somehow, my memory recalls that when I get home, my back pocket was empty. I starts to panicked. I then quickly checked my bag, my jeans and then my room... Shit!!! None. My passport was nowhere to be found!

So, I calmed myself and then recalled where I went and what I did last nite. Eventually, I took the decision to go back to the restaurant I went for dinner last night and try my luck if they kept my passport for me, if I really dropped it there.

After a minute of changing, I checked with my housemate where's the local police station if there's any event I need to go there to make a report. However, she does not know. Come to think of it, I wonder what that lil' brain of her's contain. haha

Aniwae, even without the idea of the whereabout of the local police station, I still rushes over to the restaurant immediately with the hope that I do not need to make a trip to the police station if they happens to keep my passport for me.

Alas, as the restaurant gets nearer and nearer, I noticed the door has an A4 notice.

They were not open for business today!!!

The notice reads "Due to a fault, we'll be closed until 1700pm ". So, I peeked thru the windows and fortunately, there's someone in the restaurant. I keep knocking the window and they keep telling they are shut.

"I'm not here to eat!!" I thought angrily.

Making silly gesture to plead them to the door, however, a waitress then saw me and went to their counter and got something and hurry to the door. When she opens the door, she handed me my passport (at this point of time, I heaved a huge sigh of relief immediately) and ask me if everything was intact. I flipped through my passport and makes sure two copies of paper attached to the passport are present and then replied to her everything was well and thank her profusedly.

She replied "It was nothing, and we tend to keep such important things and return to customers. it was nothing"

Then, i left the restaurant was a sense of gratefulness in my heart and luckily, I left a 10% tip last nite after the dinner. The tip really works well though. I then shopped around the town centre before goes back to the hostel...

Come to think of it, if I did not advice the teacher what to do in the dream, will I ever see my passport again??

Think about it.

Cheers
Andy M.H. Ooi

P.s. I still loves you, Jessie...

My New Job

It's been a month since I moved to this lil' quiet town in Harlow for my new job. It's just a normal waiting job but the catch is that it provides meals and accomodation... Which makes me save a plenty of ££ every week. However, I'm alone here as Jessie are working in the London's branch. So, it's kinda lonely here, fortunately, the colleagues are a good companies.

Comparitively, the people are more friendly from those in London and the lifestyle are more relaxed. This self-contained town has everything you need and the people here are quite diverse in race and ethnicity. Although shopping are quite limited compared from London, but then, there are enough retails to tempt you from parting your hard-earned money from your wallet or your bank account, which fortunately, I've been quite resistent enough. hahaha Furthermore, with Jessie controlling the finance, It's safe to say that I've been a good boy in terms of spending money on unnecessary clothing or gadgets.

Now that Jessie are going back to Malaysia for 3 weeks, I really do not know how to cope the loneliness as what keeps me going all these while is the thought of able to meet her once a week when I'm not working. However, it's not possible for me to fly to and fro once a week (unless I'm a rich tycoon). It's sad, but I know it's unavoidable as the trip are neccesary. The only thing I can hope for is the 3 weeks will just fly by with a blink of an eye.

Cheers
Andy MH Ooi

A new episode of life...

Life... It's capable of twisting you when you least expected. It makes you adapt and readapt to new environment and situation, when you're just starting to get comfortable of your current life. Maybe, that's what makes life interesting, but some may take it as tiring. To me, I don't know it's a challenge or a joke god has thrown to me. Nonetheless, I shall take it.

As said, my new episode shall unveil next Monday, I've accepted a new job in Harlow, Essex and the job starts this Monday. There shall be a very big changes in my life as I've to share my living spaces with a bunch of strangers, and greatest of all without Jessie. God knows how long will I last, as He's the one who's arranged this path which I've taken unwittingly.

After being unemployed for a month, I've mixed feelings for this new changes. Happy as I've got a job which will takes all frets away for awhile, however, sad as I've leave her. None is great enough for me to reverse my decision, as rationally, things has to move on, no matter what. Thus, let this episode be etched into my history. Hopefully, this decision of mine shall bring happiness and glory which I've failed to see now.

Cheers,
Andy "Shackks" Ooi

Where Am I now??

London has the busiest the air traffic, among the other major city in the world, I presumed. No matter where am I, either walking to work, strolling, rushing to somewhere, outside having a breath of fresh air, as long as I'm expose to the sky of unknown boundary, I can easily spot an aircraft flying past. What the weather may be, or the time of the day, you'll never fail to see one, or even to hear their loud roar as they fly by.

Every casual glance or a purposeful find and your eyes will easily catch one, and that reminds me of my family, my homeland. What am I doing here? Whenever such question is thrown by me by a stranger engaged in a friendly chat, I would normally answer them "oh... I wanna experience a new culture."

Is that what I was really here for?

I don't know. I don't even know what's the purpose of my existence in a land filled with people from various background, ethnicity, religion and purpose to fill this "Land of Opportunity" anymore. I've forget all the aspirations, all those words I've said to assure everyone at home of my venture to the west. Cos none of them has been fulfilled and I felt like a liar, who are guilty of every single deeds they at home can think of. How am I to return and face them? I'm no master of glory nor wealth, even after 10 months being here.

However, all is not lost. God has been kind to me as I've able to get a job which feeds me and provides me a good place to shelter from the wind, rain and sun. With a comfortable settings to rest myself after a long day of self-humiliation. However, I don't know if my current predicament is a lil' prank of God - I don't blame Him or anyone, but myself, maybe - to humor himself after a busy day with the chores with mankind or a punishment of whatever I've done previously, this is certainly not the ideal career I'm seeking, or intend to extend it any further. But, I've given no choice only to stay on, while days just flow by like water in a fast flowing river. Never a day is the same. Some, are just best forgotten, else it be a nightmare which only makes me reluctant to leave the house. Others are memorable, yet nothing to be proud about. It's just the job and it's right if you're good at it.

Although I've amassed a number of gadgets all these while, however, they're just to fill the growing void which has an appetite of my future which is so bleak that may have charred my pride.

Until then, I shall go on until I get something which might restore my future and may that let me regain my control of my pride so I shall return home home proud and honorably.

Cheers

Just a thought today...

While I was on train to work today, I accidentally heard a sobbing mother's phone conversation about her child being caught for possessing cannabis. She was at a loss on what to do and are rushing to the school. She has no idea of what her child's addiction's to cannabis, so, such new really shock her.

Some years ago, when I was still in college, I do took that path behind my mother's back. It all begin's with mixing the wrong pack of friends, however, they are not to blame entirely as I wasn't forced to take it at gunpoint. I was curious and hoping to be 'in the pack'. Which all teenagers seeks - a sense of belonging and respect. My mum must have been depress when she learnt of what i'm doing outside.

Drugs is easily accessible in London, so, it's no surprise that youngsters here use them at young age. Moreover, the laws here are so lenient (cannabis is Class B drugs, which means it's only confiscated and fine, if found possessing tem) thus are not so much as a prevention nor deterrent to use drugs.

Furthermore, local artist like Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty and others big names like Britney Spears are constantly being linked with using drugs on the newspapers almost everyday. They are not being punished by the law and such circumstances sends a wrong message to the public, especially the young ones. They assumes that using drugs is not only harmless yet it may be glamorous as well. Yet, a recent death of a Hollywood artist - Heath Ledger -are also linked with drugs abuse (suspected). However, this doesn't translated as the consequence of drug abuse, but a great loss to Hollywood.

Having worked in one of the high crime area in London, i've came across teenagers as young as 11 or 12 shares a ciggie with their parents or grandparents and older ones - about 15-17 years - peddling drugs and has access to firearms. And no the laws simply can't control them or stops them.

I'm no preacher neither a morally perfect person, but it's understood that drugs does nothing good to individuals, families or the society. However, people takIng the plunge to the abbey only increases day by day and year by year. And there's no practical solution from the governments to help them or to prevent anyone having these harmful substances but only talks of hipocrisy.

Therefore, it's only up to us, ourself to really keeps these harmful substances away from our loved ones.

Cheers
Andy.