Should I or shouldn't I?

For now, the only reason I stay on here is for the money. That's the only motivation that keeps me going from one day to another.

 

I don't know if I'm being negative or just things aren't going well for me at this stage of time. I somehow felt that this place aren't right for me and I do not have the drive nor the energy to go after what I'm looking for in this job. Eventhough I've been here for a few months, I'm not able to blend in and I always felt I'm alone. The feeling is so lonely and the daily routine seems like a chore. I've developed a habit of watching the time now and then eager to know when I'll be freed. The mood changes whenever I entered the factory in the morning and changes again in the evening after work. Is this healthy?

 

No, it isn't healthy. Sometime, i managed to convince myself I can live on with this job but as days passed by. My opinion changes and my mind sticks on to the original plan of seeking a living elsewhere when something unhappy hits me. This has makes me so tired and confuse of what I'm seeking, making my goal blurred out. Making me so fatigue that I don't even have the extra energy to do what I wish to do. Why is this so?

 

I do understand that lives aren't that comfy and I do not have the luxury of being picky of the working environment that I fancy. I bow to the fact that I'm nothing to slave of time and money just as what majority of us is in this society. Having to tolerate and keeps our opinion and grouse to ourself no matter where and when just because we are weak in certain area which plunge us to the lowest level in the command tier of any society. We tend to kneel for money and bow for power, hiding our dignity and making us ever so humble in front of those who do not deserve it. Our dignity and ego are only flaunt towards those who do not deserve such treatment, but then, we just blindly display it without the second thought if there's ever the need of such at the point of time. It's just for self-satisfactory after we hid it ever so well for survival.

 

The smile we wears on the face are ever so real only to discover that it was fake. However, the quality of the smile was so real, that only those who knows, understand it was just for show. Is there a desperate need of hypocrisy just for the sake of survival?

 

Why can't we be true to ourself, to others of how we felt and think no matter where we are or who are we with?

 

Why do we, just for survival, have to hide our inner self, hide our pride and dignity?

 

Do we really have to do that so that we're able to have meat and rice on the dining table?

 

Why?

 

The answer to these questions are so simple. As I mentioned earlier, those who has the money, has the powers, will stands on the uppermost part of the command tier of the society, while we, the pauper or the average Joe, will only be the lower part of the command tier - bowing for power and kneel for money. Some, in desperate, doing things against their conscience or disintegrates themselves to what we call criminals.

 

Our goals are simple - to climb upwards. However, the ladder aren't the same as those normal ladder you see anywhere. Not everyone can climbs these ladders. Some are destined to be at the top of the ladder, some are good enough or lucky enough to ascends fast and smooth. However, some - due to turns of events or plain unlucky - just slid down to the bottom of the ladder.

 

Seems like my topic of the day has slide sideways again. So, I'll not continue any further. Back to work now and will continue another day.

 

Keep your toes with you all the time...

 

Cheerios

Andy "Shackks" Ooi