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Where Am I now??

London has the busiest the air traffic, among the other major city in the world, I presumed. No matter where am I, either walking to work, strolling, rushing to somewhere, outside having a breath of fresh air, as long as I'm expose to the sky of unknown boundary, I can easily spot an aircraft flying past. What the weather may be, or the time of the day, you'll never fail to see one, or even to hear their loud roar as they fly by.

Every casual glance or a purposeful find and your eyes will easily catch one, and that reminds me of my family, my homeland. What am I doing here? Whenever such question is thrown by me by a stranger engaged in a friendly chat, I would normally answer them "oh... I wanna experience a new culture."

Is that what I was really here for?

I don't know. I don't even know what's the purpose of my existence in a land filled with people from various background, ethnicity, religion and purpose to fill this "Land of Opportunity" anymore. I've forget all the aspirations, all those words I've said to assure everyone at home of my venture to the west. Cos none of them has been fulfilled and I felt like a liar, who are guilty of every single deeds they at home can think of. How am I to return and face them? I'm no master of glory nor wealth, even after 10 months being here.

However, all is not lost. God has been kind to me as I've able to get a job which feeds me and provides me a good place to shelter from the wind, rain and sun. With a comfortable settings to rest myself after a long day of self-humiliation. However, I don't know if my current predicament is a lil' prank of God - I don't blame Him or anyone, but myself, maybe - to humor himself after a busy day with the chores with mankind or a punishment of whatever I've done previously, this is certainly not the ideal career I'm seeking, or intend to extend it any further. But, I've given no choice only to stay on, while days just flow by like water in a fast flowing river. Never a day is the same. Some, are just best forgotten, else it be a nightmare which only makes me reluctant to leave the house. Others are memorable, yet nothing to be proud about. It's just the job and it's right if you're good at it.

Although I've amassed a number of gadgets all these while, however, they're just to fill the growing void which has an appetite of my future which is so bleak that may have charred my pride.

Until then, I shall go on until I get something which might restore my future and may that let me regain my control of my pride so I shall return home home proud and honorably.

Cheers