Am I at my lowest?

Here I am again, ranting on the virtual space where I do not know this post is for whose eyes, nor I'll never know anyone who had been on the same path as me. I've put in my sweat, tears and blood (literally) on a job for 10 years, climbing up the career ladder something I can be proud of. I put in so much until I had gained not only experiences, skills but also the trust of my employer. During that 10 years, I've built up a household and took on many commitments. I even thought I'll be able to work until I retire, which I can do so comfortably. But alas, nothing good ever lasted for me. The company I worked for 10 years was winded up in 2020, and everything I had worked for had gone to ashes. My world came crushing down on me. Lucky for me, my wife was supportive otherwise I would not have be able to publish this post. However, whatever had planned for me since 2020 until today was not all pleasant, although I took anything and everything thrown my way with stride and face these challenges head on. I'm not sure whether the Covid-19 pandemic was a silver lining for me, but I finally managed to get a good 2 year rest without feeling any guilt. In fact, I believe many were resting with me. I naively thought I could get back on my feet and regain my former glory. I was so wrong. Since then, I'm not able to secure a decent or stable job no matter how I tried. My last job lasted me 2 years after i really cannot tolerate the toxic culture of the working environment. And today, I'm once again jobless anxious looking another opportunity so I would not lose the roof over my head. Although I've ways to get by and my wife had assured me that I'll get the right one soon. But the thought of not able to provide for the family had caused anxiety during day and sleeplessness during the nights. You may say that I had it coming, leaving the job without an offer but I this job is draining me in all aspect, i.e. mentally, physically and most important of all financially. Being middle age is very hard to get reemployment and that cause even more anxiety. ~ Shackks "Andy" Ooi